Improving Child Discipline is Improving Ourselves
As
mothers, we are over our children. We are responsible for raising
them. And they are obligated to obey us unless we command them to do
wrong. But how many times have we heard of the one who is in charge
taking advantage of the one he is in charge of?
It
is easy to take out our frustrations, bad day or other problems on our
children . . . they are helpless, weak and dependent upon us. But during
our times of troubles, we must remember that they have a right on us.
On
the Day of Judgment, no one will be concerned about their mother,
father, sister or brother. Everyone will try to save themselves. We
don’t want our children to be of those who will take from our good deeds
because we mistreated them. When correcting our children for
misbehavior, we must be certain we are giving them their rights
Here are a few tips on how to control your Temper when disciplining your children
“O Ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that you may (learn) self-restraint.” (Quran, Al Baqarah, 2: 183)
Fasting
Fasting
is one of the best ways to learn self-control. This self-control
overflows into many areas of our daily lives. One of those realms is
that of childrearing. Although avoiding eating can sometimes put one on
edge, it also has a calming effect.
We
are often more subdued when our stomach is not full. In addition, when
fasting we are encouraged to avoid conflict and argumentation. Most of
us are familiar with the hadith that says, if somebody should fight or
argue with you, you should say, ‘I am fasting.’.
2. Learn about our ProphetSAWS
Another
way to learn self-control when disciplining is to read about and learn
of the ways the Prophet SAWS dealt with children. We should use him as
our example. Here is a truly inspiring story that puts into perspective
the manner in which we should discipline our children.
Anas
ibn Malik said, “The ProphetSAWS had the best disposition among people.
One day he sent me on an errand and I said, ‘By Allah, I will not go,’
but it was in my mind that I would do as the Prophet had ordered me. I
went until I saw some children playing in the street.
Then
the Prophet SAWScame and saw me and he caught me by the back of my neck
from behind. When I looked at him, he was smiling, and he said, ‘Unays
(Anas’ nickname), did you go where I
asked you to go?’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, yes, I am going.'”
Take
note of where Anas said, “I will not go” when the ProphetSAWSasked him
to do something? There was no pulling out the belt or searching for a
stick to let Anas know who’s the boss around here. Let us aspire to be
patient, kind, and tolerant when our children exhibit their
shortcomings.
3. The reward for patience
Also, ponder upon how valuable it is to be patient, not just for your child but for yourself.
Abu
Sa’id Al-Khudri (ra) reported that: Certain people of the Ansar asked
the Messenger of Allah SAWS and he gave to them; then they again asked
him and he gave to them until all what he possessed was exhausted.
Then
the Prophet SAWSsaid, “Whatever wealth I have, I will not withhold from
you. Whosoever would be chaste and modest; Allah will keep him chaste
and modest and whosoever would seek self-sufficiency, Allah will make
him self-sufficient;
and
whosoever would be patient, Allah will give him patience, and no one is
granted a gift better and more comprehensive than patience”. 2
Our
children come from our bodies, but they are a gift from Allah. One way
to show our thankfulness for our beloved gifts is to be kind and
forgiving when they make mistakes and don’t live up to our
expectations.
We pray and hope Allah will do the same for us.
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